thoughts

last night our next door neighbor, Denise, passed away. She was only 47 years old and died of Pancreatic Cancer. For a couple of weeks we have been very suspicious that something is going on but we didn't want to be nosy. Last week Jake was coming home from work and saw her and her husband out walking and he was holding her and she was walking really slow, Jake thought maybe she had surgery or something and then on Sunday we were leaving and saw her and her family sitting out in front and she was in a wheelchair. we never suspected that she was dying, didn't even know she was sick. we also have seen a lot of people coming and going. yesterday I saw Heather and asked if she knew what was going on. she said she didn't but they were wondering too. later she saw another neighbor and asked her if she knew what was going on and she didn't but she suspected that Denise had just passed away because a van pulled up and men in suits brought a gurney in and then out with a body. there was a sign on the door that said Oxygen in Use. why didn't we stop and ask if everything was ok, why didn't i go to her all natural cleaning product party, why didn't I do bootcamp at 5am with her when she invited me and my mom to join her (ok we know the answer to that one), why wasn't i more friendly. we are shocked beyond belief and we didn't know her very well, never thought that this would affect us the way it has. so sad that I will never wave to her again as she walks into her house or say hi as she walks the street with her dog. she was such a good person and so healthy and so active. she has a 22 year old daughter and it is heartbreaking that she just lost her mom. we, jake, me and my mom, went tonight and talked with Mark, he told us that she was diagnosed Sept 10th, she went so fast. they thought that she could beat this, the doctors thought she was the perfect candidate to beat this, she was so healthy and so strong. they are churchgoers and have had a lot of support. he is hurting, he told us that this morning he saw a mug on the kitchen counter that they had bought together while they were traveling and with us he cried. so sad for their family. makes me want to be a better neighbor, be more friendly, live each day to the fullest and love each of your loved ones more fully because you don't know Heavenly Fathers time frame and how many more days you will have with them. I am grateful for Denise, for the good person she was and for the eye opener she gave me.